Taking a chance
by Wilkopop
Summary: Kaidan and Shepard have always been good friends, but just close they really felt has only just hit home. Kaidan/mShepard romance. Dialogue has been altered to something more romantic hopefully! Reviews are welcome of course!
1. Chapter 1

Mass Effect story

His heart was pumping hard, threatening to burst out of his ribcage at any moment. He was sweating drips down the back of his neck, feeling them sluicing down the ridges and crevices of his back and trickling to his underwear. His mind raced with a million different circumstances and desperately tried to find a solution to the current problem. It's not like he could have prepared for this, right? Staring down the barrel of Commander Shepard's gun, squarely pointed at him. No not just _the _commander of the Normandy; he was the saviour of the Citadel against the Geth and Sovereign's attack, extinguisher of the Collectors, responsible for the unity of the Krogan clans with the Salarians and the Turians. But more than that, he was his _friend _and a fucking good one at that. I mean, visiting him in Huerta hospital after every mission he completed, despite the fact the genesis of the extinction of humanity and all organic life in galaxy had begun? Anyone else would have left him there alone with nobody to talk to.

Kaidan had always been stubborn, and if he didn't see it as a negative trait he certainly did then. Ignoring the taunts of Councillor Udina, he paused for a second to think. Hard. All the times Shepard had saved him and the crew of the Normandy, by christ he fucking sacrificed himself to save Joker when the Collectors hit Normandy SR-1. But he is ex-cerburus! No no no, he shouldn't think like that, Shepard came clean with him in the hospital and made it clear that he has nothing to do with them anymore.

Still, the thought lingered in the background to all his thoughts.

This is stupid, Shepard teamed up with Cerburus for the right reasons and he was the same person that took him to Eden Prime, to Noveria and to Ilos. Maybe there was a reason that Shepard took him on every mission? Is it possible that he-

"Kaidan we don't have time! There are Cerburus soldiers in the hallway and they're coming after the Council!" Shepard shouted, with a tinge of desperation in his voice.

Kaidan had always gone with logic and his head, both of which would have dictated him to take a stand against his best friend. But his heart wouldn't subside. It stood in the mix as stubbornly as he is himself. Kaidan was obviously taking far more time than he should, as he noticed the pained wince and furrowed brow that Shepard develops when he is forced to do something against his will. With that, Kaidan stepped aside, his eyes on Shepard as he made way. The relief on Shepard's face was undeniable, and Kaidan swore he could hear Shepard whisper _"Thank you" _in his head before the ricochet of a pistol firing echoed over the vista of the Presidium.

But Kaidan was lost in his thoughts. And angry. Angry that it took him so fucking long to realise that Shepard had been vying for what Kaidan never had the balls to chase up. Even on the night before Ilos when Shepard needed someone to hold and, more importantly, someone to hold him. Instead of doing what his heart told him, he told himself about jeopardising the mission and the Alliance regulations against fraternisation. That, and Kaidan's harrowing fear of rejection and scaring people off after BaAT.

"Fucking idiot", he heard himself whisper, not realising that Shepard was staring at him with that furrowed brow. He jumped, regained his composure and quickly yet confidently spoke.

"That was a good call Shepard, I can't believe that I was so damned stupid to take Udina's side over yours!" Anger was seething out of Kaidan, evident in his tenor. He paused a second, closed his eyes after welling up enough courage and said "I would really like to talk about this, Commander. It's been a hell of a day"

Shepard grew a small but affectionate smirk "Of course Kaidan, it's not every day that you find yourself pointing a gun at your partner."

Shepard's eyes grew wide as he realised what he had just said, and turned three shades more red in an instant.

"Oh! I meant combat partner, of course" Shepard said with a nervous twang. Kaidan only chuckled. It was quite something seeing the unstoppable commander Shepard looking so cute.

"It's fine Commander, I'll meet you at docking bay D26" Kaidan's smile soon turned to a tiresome frown "of course, after the reporters have hassled me enough"

"D'ya need me to *ehem* assist with them?" glancing down at his clenched fists with a fist.

Kaidan chuckled, remembering the shock and hilarity of seeing the Commander flat out punch that reporter on the Citadel in the C-sec wards. Those were great times.

"Nah, if any of them get too up in my face I'm sure I can arrange a biotic punch for them" Kaidan replied, with a wide smile brimming over his face.

Shepard smiled warmly and said "Damn, i could really do with a good therapeutic punching session", winking at Kaidan as he spoke "I'll see you in a couple hours, don't have too much fun" and then the two parted ways, both containing a feeling of nervous but joyful anticipation.

It was inevitable what the conversation would be about. Jesus, he had almost gunned down the one thing that really mattered to him in the world because of his over-powering sense of duty, and he was pretty sure that Kaidan thought he could do it. If they were about to clear things up, maybe he could go further. Tell him that he was the sole motivation for defeating the reapers, that his fondness of him goes as far back as the days of Saren and Sovereign.

Shepard sighed heavily, imagining the relief of knowing for sure what the Major thinks of him. All he could do is hope that he reciprocated his feelings.

Or at least not be scared by them. _Shit_, he thought to himself, _this is gonna be a long couple hours._


	2. Chapter 2

Mass Effect story, Chapter 2

If there was one thing Kaidan could compliment Cerburus on, it would be the Normandy SR-2. It was beautiful. Smooth. Elegant. Whilst still echoing the 'old girl'. The frigate that lays the setting down to his recurring nightmares. The day he lost his chance to really own up to Shepard. _Jesus_, Kaidan thought, _what kept me going? How did I ever survive the turmoil? Could I do it again? _With that, a pang of heartache brushed his chest and gave his countenance an almost menacing look. He smacked the handle bars on the observation deck, his biotics flaring in rolling tongues of blue energy. Realising that C-Sec officers and civilians were most likely watching him after his heroic initial stand against Shepard, he breathed in and concentrated on happier thoughts. Of his parents house overlooking English Bay. Of him, Shepard and Ashley causing havoc all over the galaxy to foil Saren. Of watching Shepard working away in his private suit, tasting the relief of letting his Commander know just how he felt about him, but then swiftly walking away, blushing like a school-girl, afraid of what he may think of him.

Then he realised something. What if the reapers or some other sort of ancient doomsday sentient being emerge, shake hands with the reapers, cause a little more apocalyptic destruction and be on their merry way to the next star system? How could Kaidan live with himself after not confessing to Shepard before their time was up? Well actually, he'd be dead along with everything else in the galaxy, but still... the point stands. He _had _to tell Shepard. He resumed to gawp at the SR-2 whilst he waited for Shepard to arrive, soothing his anger and anticipation. _I'm gonna have to have one hell of a steak sandwich when I'm done here._

* * *

_Would Kaidan mind if i was a little early? Damnit, I should have said a time and not pretended to be the casual bastard I'm not. _A young girl, shoulder length brown hair, blue/turquoise eyes and baby pink lipstick, snapped around in the elevator and gave John a funny look. He was thinking out loud again.

"Sorry, got a lot on my mind"

She exited the elevator, and as soon as John suspected she was far enough away, he grunted "Grumpy bitch". To his ridicule, she turned around in a similarly snappy manor, this time with wide eyes and an open mouth. She was about to scream abuse at him, but before she could the elevator doors slammed shut leaving Shepard alone to stare wide-eyed at the space where she was a second ago. He was in shock for a second, before he burst into uncontrollable, tear-streaming, barbaric laughter that sounded not dissimilar to that of everyone's drunken uncle on Christmas day. _If only Kaidan saw that, he'd be rolling around on the floor._

The elevator then chimed, and a superficial female voice spoke, "You have reached Docking Bay D26".

"Shit" whispered Shepard "Here we go"

He breathed in a long draw of breathe before walking quickly, probably much too fast for how cool his leather 'N7' jacket suggested he was. He then stopped and scanned the area for his Kaidan. But he was nowhere to be seen. _I knew this would happen, _he thought to himself. He then sighed a sigh that carries a thousand thoughts, a thousand regrets and a thousand hopes and wishes for the future that will evidently not be. Scratching the back of his neck, feeling a little stupid for standing in the middle of the pathway to the elevators, he walked to the docking station for the Normandy.

*vvvvvvv-sht*

"Shepard?"

"Kay?"

"Hey She- wait, what did you call me?"

"I, urn, sorry got my mouth in a twist…"

There was a short pause before the both of them burst into laughter, the kind that seemingly heals mental wounds and vanquishes bad memories. _This is what it should be like, _the both of them thought.

"For a second I thought you ditched me, Major. I couldn't find you anywhere out on the observation deck"

"Sorry Shepard, everyone was staring at me as soon as the news channels covered the coup… I felt awkward"

"Oooohhhhhh" _That's why that girl was giving me funny looks._

Kaidan sensed something was amiss here, but Shepard reassured him with a look that said 'I'll tell you later'. Another short pause passed before either spoke, broken by the husky voice of the Major.

"Shepard, I need to come clean with you. About what happened today"

"Oh boy, c'mon then hit me"

Kaidan paused a second, then spoke slowly and with caution.

"Shepard, you know the reason I didn't back down immediately wasn't because I didn't trust you, right?"

"Of course, I knew you'd make the right call, but knowing you I didn't think it would happen immediately" Shepard said, with a smirk. Kaidan chuckled.

"And I also know that you are Alliance to the core, not someone who easily gives in because one person says something favourable to another"

Shepard had nailed it. _God, when did he get so damned perceptive all of a sudden? He didn't notice me staring at that great ass of his, or me having a nice conversation with him before quickly wanting to be left alone to avoid him thinking I was enjoying his company too much._

"Wow, yeah. You worded it much better than I would have"

"I've been told I have a knack for that" Shepard winked that incredible wink again before looking at Kaidan in those brown, delicious orbs. _No backing down_, he thought before resuming.

"I have a few things to confess too, Kaidan" The mention of his name made the Major do backflips in his heart.

"Ohh?" Kaidan uttered, looking as quizzical as possible.

"I hope you already thought this, but you know I couldn't shoot you, right?"

"I had an inkling when I saw that furrowed brow of yours, but" Kaidan breathed in quickly "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"Oh god, go for it" Shepard responded with a hint of tediousness in it.

"It was only when I stopped thinking and looked up at you that I really believed that you weren't gonna shoot, and that you were telling the truth, and if I had seen it sooner I get the feeling that Udina may have still been alive"

Blue curls of energy now started to dissipate around his thick, practical arms, before Shepard grabbed one in an act of impulse, drew him close and looked at him in the eyes.

"Kaidan, it's not your fault" _Oh god, _Kaidan thought, _this conversation is gonna get a lot more emotional before it ends._

_"_No not entirely, but if my damned integrity hadn't got in the way we _may _have not had to gun down a councillor"

"A sleazy fuck of a councillor, yeah, and you know that he was working for Cerburus to fulfil his pro-humanity obsessions. He would have caused even more damage if you hadn't stepped down"

Kaidan took a long look at the aqua blue eyes of his Commander and knew in an instant he was being genuine. His eyes were brimming with tears, before giving Shepard a deep, long embrace. It felt good. It felt familiar. Moreover, it felt like it was where he was meant to be, in the arms of John Shepard. Shepard was surprised at Kaidan's forwardness, but nevertheless accepted the hug and returned it's intensity.

The two breathed into each other's necks before Shepard spoke "Come back on the Normandy. With me. It'll be just like old times"

Kaidan laughed lightly "Unfortunately, I remember what I said the last time you said that. But yes Shepard, I'd love to join you on the Normandy. And the other crew of course…"

Shepard smiled mischievously "And here I thought I was gonna have your company all to myself!"

Kaidan was surprised by Shepard's flirtatious comment, but followed through "Sorry Shepard, it seems like everyone wants a piece of me"

The pair laughed before saluting each other with beaming faces "Welcome aboard Major Kaidan Alenko, it's an honour to have you serving under me once again"

"I don't think you've had the pleasure yet, sir" Kaidan winked before turning around and walking towards the entrance of the Normandy, swaying his hips in the hope of Shepard noticing.

Shepard was startled at Kaidan's playfulness before noticing Kaidan's behind.

_Damn, _John thought, _If only I had the balls to confess I would have a piece of that military spec ass! I need to ask him how he gets his cheeks so plump..._


	3. My thoughts so far

Hi guys! As you may have already guessed, I'm fairly new to editing and stuff on this site, so this is acting as my notes until the next chapter where I'll add a little spacer instead of another chapter! I hope you guys are enjoying this! i thought I would take the situations that already happen in the game and morph them into more appropriate scenes :)

I also apologise if you can't see or hear Shepard or Kaidan saying these things, but I wanted to give Shepard a more unique and more interesting character than in-game Shepard, and make Kaidan a bit more of a laugh as much as I am in love with him!

Chapter 1's use of in medias res was, i felt, appropriate as I have read a few mShenko fanfic's where it's taken too long to get into the middle of the action (and romantic fun of course!)

Chapter length's won't necessarily be consistent, but you won't get 300 word chapters followed by 5,000 word ones haha :)

So yeah, enjoy! And PLEASE feel free to review my work so far! Can't improve the writing and structure without flaws ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Mass effect story chapter 3

Hey guys! Apologies for the delay in updating, I was on holiday last week and was having a re-think about my writing style/ technique and where I was going to go next in the story.

Due to a very helpful review, I will be keeping the story in a singular perspective for each chapter, whilst moving the perspective around in other chapters (mainly between Kaidan and Shepard, might have someone else as well…. We'll see).

So yeah, that's the current update! I'll try to update it as frequently as I can but I am also in the middle of moving houses, so my access to internet fluctuates between a lot and nothing. So, yeah that's me explaining myself, time to crack on with the story!

Enjoy!

* * *

_Oh god, how could I let this happen? Why did I have to leave Vancouver? I could have gone to the orchard and persuaded Dad not to go running off into battle, convince him that he wasn't the young and athletic soldier he once was. But maybe there is a chance he is still alive? Yes, I shouldn't just assume that he is dead because he missing. That would be presumptuous. But… he is old. And from what I've heard from Mom, not his old reserved self that he was. And now she is left alone, at home by herself during the extinction of humanity and galactic life, with no Dad's shoulder to lean on, and no me to comfort her. I hope she's holding up well…_

It was hard for Kaidan to not worry about his parents. He knows that worrying won't save them, but he also knows that it is an unfortunate and inescapable part of the human condition, and one that infects every human no matter how stoic. Worry creeps up on people during their most careless moments and strikes like a viper being trodden on. But without worry, how could humans excel? Develop? Better ourselves? Achievement comes from the fear of not being able enough to complete a task, and Kaidan felt that. He knew the magnitude of what Hackett was planning, and knew how great a burden he put on the crew of the Normandy. It was just fueling his need to do the job and do it well. Kaidan's less than encouraging news about his family just drew the match closer to that fuel.

He heard the _Brrr-Schhhhk _of the doors to the starboard observation deck open. _Was it a little bit creepy_, Kaidan thought to himself, _that I could tell its Shepard from the sounds of the boots padding the aluminium floor? _He considered it might be, and that he would tell Shepard one day. He was about to greet him when he felt a thick, almost clumsily big hand of his commander touch his shoulder. Apparently it was obvious that Kaidan was upset.

"Shepard…" Kaidan croaked, sounding as though he had just been shot through the leg.

"I know, EDI informed me," Shepard whispered in a comforting tone, like a father almost.

With no need for holding onto himself to explain to Shepard, Kaidan let his emotions go. The tears began to stream down his cheeks, his breathing pattern was dangerously sporadic, and his whole body was shaking in a spasmodic manor. Kaidan's senses were dulled and blunted with grief. He felt his knees give way, as though his feeling of sorrow had a tangible mass, all thrust onto his upper body.

He couldn't think of anything but his father. The way he pushed Kaidan to do his very best. His saying rang through his head "Self-loathing is one of the best assets you can have; it pushes you to greater heights, makes you work and keeps your stones rolling". He had never understood what it truly meant for a long time. It finally clicked when he was at Brain Camp, when he was first training to use his biotics and finally realized that he wasn't invincible.

By now Kaidan was a convulsing mass of Alliance spec uniform. He suddenly remembered Shepard's presence, and attempted to stand up. But apparently the grief's weight has doubled since his knees gave way, and he simply slumped back down onto the floor. He had never felt more vulnerable in his life.

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this Shepard… It's just that… When I was a kid, I never really went to parties with other kids or brought friends to my house for slumber parties or anything like that… My parents were my best friends, my fun and now… And now I have nothing left of my childhood apart from my mom and being tagged a freak…"

He felt that familiar hand on his shoulder, only closer and more intimate. It spoke to him, like saying '_let it all go. You know you'll feel better_.'

"And do you know what hurts the most? I feel like… I am alone in the world, with no guide to hold my hand and nobody to tell me off for doing something wrong. I don't know if I truly trust myself to make the right calls. I was always thinking '_What would Pop do or say here?' _and now… the end of life is coming. It's just one fucking thing after another…"

He would have gone on, but Shepard brought Kaidan closer to his shoulder so that his head locked on top of Kaidan's. It was comfortable, and strangely made him able to think straight.

"Kaidan… I am so sorry for you. I know that isn't much but please don't let yourself go. I need you in this battle. I need you in my life. I know that you've got a lot on your plate but…" Shepard paused for thought for a second. '_Please God tell me what's on your mind. I need some comfort' _Kaidan thought. "… I need to get this off my chest and I need to you to know this. Hell it's as good a time as ever I suppose"

Kaidan sat up straight, feeling renewed just by the commander's voice. Shepard sighed, and Kaidan could tell that he had wanted to say this for a while.

"During the Collector mission… There were lots of different reasons why I agreed to join Cerburus. Of course, anything Reaper related and I'm on it, as you know. And with humanity seemingly being targeted by them, I couldn't stand by and let them … _process _us" Shepard stressed the word with a particular vivacity, and Kaidan could only imagine the horrors of what he discovered on the Collector Base.

"… but when I think about it, there was a reason even bigger than the security of humanity. It was fear… of losing the person I've been closest to in my whole life… As you know I never really knew my family. Hell I can't even put a name to face or face to name. But I've also never… been with anyone. Had anyone to care deeply and worry about…"

Kaidan wasn't sure where he was going with this, and continued to look as quizzical as he could before speaking "… So …. Who was it?"

Shepard didn't say anything, only glanced at Kaidan in a sheepish way. It finally clicked.

Kaidan gasped in sudden realization and shock "Oh… Shepard…" He touched his shoulder, and tugged a little "Thank you for telling me that Shepard, it's… it's nice to know I'm valued to someone"

Shepard looked up finally, to Kaidan's relief.

Kaidan was now smirking "And I'm a little disappointed that you thought I couldn't handle myself… Did you not see the way I blew that Asari commando squad to shit on Noveria?"

"Oh-ho-ho, did you now? Well I thought Liara and I contributed a little to that, but well I guess maybe you were struck by a migraine during that part…"

_The bastard… Shepard has a knack for making people feel better._

"Anyway… I reckon I'd better go and look busy. I'm glad I could get that off my chest. I hope you find comfort in it too Kaidan" And as suddenly as he appeared, he was gone and through the door.

Kaidan was flabbergasted. Did Shepard really mean that, or was it just to comfort him? He hoped the former...

"My human studies would indicate that a typical female during her adolescent devlepment would describe you and Shepard as 'cute', Major Alenko"

Kaidan almost jumped out of his skin when the faintly metallic but obviously female voice of a nosey EDI spoke.

"Uuuh, thanks EDI…"

"It is my pleasure Major. If I could offer some advice for the advancement of yours and Shepard's consummation, it would be to stop 'beating around the bush', as humans say."

Kaidan felt himself turn bright red, and managed to grunt a response "umm, thanks again… but what about you and Joker? You're not exactly being forward about it either"

There was a short pause, as though EDI were considering something, before she spoke again "A worthy point, Major Alenko. I shall try to utilize this."

Kaidan only smiled and turned to view the stars, feeling relieved that at least someone knew. He then sighed, and nodded off to sleep on the comfortable sofa.

* * *

I hope you liked it! I tried to re-write the scene where Shepard and Kaidan talk about his father being MIA to a more realistic and romantic effect. I always did think that Kaidan accepted his father's fate and moved on too quickly via a quick pep-talk from Shepard. I don't know, I just think that a break-down of emotions is more human and genuine. Hope it wasn't too unlike Kaidan!

I have another chapter ready for tonight, just needs a bit of editing and adding on and I will upload it!


	5. Chapter 5

Mass Effect story chapter 4

_Well that was certainly… memorable. Seeing someone as reserved and as controlled as Kaidan suddenly turning into a heaving, contorting mess on the floor was not something you could get used to. Hell, Kaidan was one to get angry, not sad. I hope he is ok; he never was one of the most open books, especially when his childhood is concerned. I remember trying so damned hard to get him to open up and say what he was thinking. Boy, was that a fucking challenge. I was always curious when he said he'd wanted to talk later. Maybe he's trying to forget something…_

"My superior synthetic intellect would have me believe that your blood-pressure has risen due to the state of the Major, Shepard", EDI usually spoke with such a flat and neutral tenor, but there was something new in her voice; a slight twang every now and then which gave her rhetoric a little more… humanity? He felt an attempt at being sarcastic and heart-felt all in one sentence.

"It's just… a shock is all. He was by my side through thick and thin when Saren went rogue and Sovereign attacked the Citadel, and never would I dream of thinking that a man as mentally controlled as him could just… snap like that."

There was a long pause before EDI spoke again.

"Forgive me if I sound presumptuous, but the Major does not appear to have the countenance of someone who 'talks' about himself much."

EDI was also eerily perceptive, as well as having a bit of humanity rubbing off on her personality.

"What's Kaidan's current status, EDI?" Shepard asked with a hint of uncertainty creeping into the question.

"He has just had a "power-nap" as you humans call it, whereby he took approximately 30 minutes of slumber before arising in a more energetic state. He is currently staring out the starboard window, his blood pressure much lower than your previous encounter with him."

Shepard considered a moment before making his way out of his cabin and down to Kaidan. It felt like Shepard had been thinking about what happened for hours, yet only 30 minutes had gone by. During that short time, nothing registered in his mind other than the way Kaidan had simply… let himself _go_. Although he couldn't appreciate what it felt like to lose a parent, he had been there for Liara after the mission on Noveria when they were forced to kill Matriarch Benezia. The tears, pain and regret were all released in that one conversation. It's something people don't easily forget.

When Shepard entered the Starboard Observation deck, Kaidan was, as EDI said, sitting on the couch, staring into space.

"Hey Kaidan, how are you feeling?" Shepard asked quietly, with a small but comforting smirk across his face.

Kaidan spun round in shock at first, but then relaxed at the sight of his brother in arms.

"Shepard hey, I'm… better. Oh and I'm really sorry you had to see me like I was. It's not something that you can easily prepare for but thanks to you I got it out of my system,"

Kaidan smiled warmly at Shepard. It was nice to have the Major back on track.

"It's the best way to feel better. Kaidan, I apologize if what I say is, umm, forward but I think a talk with your commander about your childhood would be… beneficial. For the both of us"

A slightly pained expression was wiped onto Kaidan's face momentarily before looking away with downcast eyes. The older man sighed heavily and slowly nodded in assent. "I was wondering when someone would ask me about this, and I guess if it was gonna be anyone it would be you. What d'ya wanna know?"

"You said that your parents were your best-friends, and the fact that you never had any parties or anything." Shepard wore an expression of concern in the hope that it would make Kaidan come out of his shell easier. All it seemed to do was make him physically squirm.

"Well… when I was very young, me and my Mom were in Singapore whilst my Dad was on a space program for the Alliance. We were involved in a minor crash, no broken bones or anything like that. But I was exposed to element zero in utero and luckily avoided getting a terminal brain disease. That was the start of my downward spiral. News spread that I survived being exposed to eezo, back in my school in Vancouver, and I was tagged a 'freak' and an outcast from then on. What my dossier doesn't say, and I haven't even told my Mom about this, is that a bully named Joey taunted me and taunted me relentlessly…" Shepard could see where this was going "After a while I thought about throwing him out my classroom's second story window and _boom!_ Out the window he goes… He has spent every day of life since then in a wheel-chair", Shepard could see the guilt painted on his face. If Kaidan didn't express himself with words, he sure did with facial expressions and countenance.

"After that, me and my Mom were hassled by these scientists who took an odd interest in me and my new found abilities, telling us that they can 'hone' me. When Mom asked me why they were so interested, I shrugged and said I had no clue. The bastards talked about me like I was a damned dog who needed house-training. In the end, Mom was convinced that without attending Brain Camp, I would put her in danger."

Shepard couldn't help but wince at the hollow look on his face. It's hard enough that you're marked out as an abnormality to society, but having your own Mother being… afraid of what you are? That must be something else entirely.

"I begged her, telling her that I didn't need to go, told her that I was sure the exposure hadn't effected me. But it was too late, I got home from school a few days later and bam, I was shoved into a taxi to the nearest spaceport and sent on my way to Jump Zero. This part I'm sure you know about though" Shepard nodded in a grim but understanding style, assuring Kaidan that he didn't need to explain.

A long, considerate silence thus ensued, before Shepard spoke up in a confident voice.

"Well, you may not have had the easiest childhood, but I sure as hell like the man it's made of you", Kaidan dropped his head with a chuckle, and smiled back, obviously comforted.

"Thanks Shepard… that means a lot"

"Anytime" Shepard responded with the same comforting expression as before only made a particular effort at looking into the Major's brown, almost auburn orbs, before realizing something.

"Kaidan… please don't tell me you are sleeping in here…"

The Major's eyes widened slightly at his CO's comment whilst rubbing the back of his neck slowly and blushing a little.

"Ah, yeah the crew quarters are kinda full, and EDI told me that people barely ever come in here so I thought I would bunk here".

Shepard frowned at this and spoke in an ever so slightly condescending manor, "Y'know, I have got extra space in my cabin if you want to be more comfortable. Alliance refurbishments didn't touch the furniture up there, so they'll be much more comfortable than these cheap lightweight sofas", Shepard then poked the couch with one judgmental index finger, before glancing back up at a smirking Kaidan with a half-disgusted, half-amused face.

"Wow, well if it's not too much trouble that would be great Shepard. I had a quick power-nap on one of these before you came and I've already got a back-ache"

Shepard beamed at Kaidan's positivity "Excellent, just drop your stuff in my cabin when you want. I'll get EDI to give you full access at all times to make it more convenient. Oh and if anyone asks, apart from Liara as she probably already knows by now, you're still sleeping in here", Shepard said with a cheeky grin "Isn't that right EDI?"

"Major Alenko's currently resides on the Starboard Observation deck, and would appreciate members of the crew not disturbing his peace"

"You're a diamond EDI"

"Not literally commander, as the benefits of outfitting me with a rare rock would be sparse"

"It's a figure of speech EDI", the two men said in unison, before laughing lightly.

"It'll be nice to have some company up in the Hermit's Closet. Come by soon, ok?" Shepard said, trying not to sound too desperate.

"Sure thing, John, I'll see you up there"

_Great, now I can tell him. No backing down like the last three times I've had the chance. Huh, Commander Shepard, savior of the Citadel, too afraid to talk about his feelings to his closest ally, _Shepard thought to himself. He sighed heavily as he stepped into the elevator, surprised and relieved to see Kaidan running into the elevator before the doors closed.

Kaidan smirked hopefully, "I, urr, thought you could give me a tour… if you're not too busy?"

* * *

Right, there will be a little break so I can think about what to do in the next several chapters. Hope these two chapters have been alright and PLEASE don't hesitate to review! Thanks!


	6. Chapter 6

Mass Effect story 5

_The Great Gatsby… never read that actually, heard it's good though. Never Let Me Go now that is a good book, glad we don't do that kinda stuff now we have the technology for it… Wait, what? _

After perusing Shepard's bookcase and being somewhat impressed by the list of classic 20th and 21st literature, it was all blown away by one novel.

"Commander, what is _50 Shades of Grey _doing on your bookcase?" Kaidan's expression was less than impressed, and full of concern.

"Ah. Yeah. Christmas present from a friend. I think it was a joke though, all that detail about… women. Pretty sure that's what made me finalize my sexuality"

Kaidan looked up at this statement with raised eyebrows, "which is…?"

"Didn't you know I was gay?" Kaidan noticed Shepard's countenance adopt a sort of defensive position, like he was about to be abused or accused of something dreadful.

"Sorry Commander, but no I didn't. Come to think of it, I'd never seen you with anyone else whilst I've been serving under you. I mean there's nothing wrong with it, of course. It doesn't change anything in our friendship, I mean. I'm… gay as well…" Kaidan didn't know why he just said that, but finding someone else in the galaxy who was gay was comforting, and confiding it with Shepard made him feel good. Whilst Kaidan was looking away Shepard had moved onto the sofa next to Kaidan.

"Oh I know, in fact Garrus told me" Shepard spoke in a relaxed tone, but Kaidan could tell he had a smug grin on his face.

"What? How does he… How?"

"Apparently Turian's have a sixth sense when it comes to feelings and emotions. Human pheromone levels are very detectible to other species, y'know. He wouldn't tell me who it was you had the hots for, only that he had "big guns". God knows what that means"

Kaidan grimaced at this. Not only was Garrus one of the best Turian marksmen, he also had the biggest mouth in the galaxy. Shepard could see the annoyance growing on Kaidan's face.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with 'batting for the other side'. I find men much more attractive than women, physically and mentally. I mean, some guys are just bastards and narcissists who think they are all that, but every once in a while you get a guy who simply has a… beautiful soul." Shepard's monologue was spoken with downcast eyes, trying to avoid eye-contact with the Major who simply stared at him with awe. Kaidan was finding it strange how he had the same ideologies as Shepard when it came to men and their attraction.

Kaidan was lost in thought for about a minute, sat there on Shepard's sofa, trying to figure out what to say next when Shepard interrupted his train of thought.

"Kaidan, is there something you want to tell me?" His voice sounded hard and almost aggressive but his countenance suggested comfort and support. It seemed as though Shepard was anxious too.

"I… erm… well I… well this 'guy' that I liked during the time of Saren and Sovereign… is still on the ship…"

"You're kidding! Good for you! Who is it?"

Kaidan's throat seized up, no air being able to escape or enter through his mouth. This could either be the best or the worst moment of his life. As he couldn't speak he simply stared Shepard in the eye, hoping that Shepard would figure this gesture out.

Shepard's eyes grew wide when he realized why Kaidan was staring at him. _Please don't kick me out, please don't kick me out oh please please please…_

"Well… I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the same way, Kaidan"

Kaidan spluttered his Peruvian Whiskey and Krogan soda mix over Shepard's coffee table, making Shepard chuckle softly. _How long has he felt this way? _Was Kaidan's first thought. His next was to _stop frieking coughing_. After about 10 seconds of consistent coughing, he felt Shepard patting his back firmly, but carefully.

"Shepard… how long have you felt this way? About me?"

"Oh man… don't get angry but… after Eden Prime…"

Kaidan was annoyed now. He had admired and loved Shepard since day one, and Shepard the same with Kaidan, yet two and a half years later they both grew the balls to fucking try and sort it out. This anger didn't last long, though, as he felt Shepard breathing down Kaidan's neckline. He shuddered with pure lust, facing Shepard and taking his chin between his thumb and index finger.

"Kaidan…"

"Shepard…"

Shepard had started caressing the inside of Kaidan's thigh, tenderly and slowly, creating a tickling sensation that seemed to be fed to his groin. All of a sudden, Shepard stopped where he was, leaned back and sighed.

Kaidan winced as he asked, "something wrong, John?"

"I… don't know if it's the best idea to start romancing each other in the middle of the biggest war in the galaxy. I mean, don't get me wrong Kaidan, I want you more than I want my next breath, but… the responsibility of our task… it's unquantifiable… and I think that having an intimate relationship would… distract me…"

Kaidan's heart dropped at this, but It was clear to him that John had been thinking this through, and if he was as stubborn as ever he wouldn't likely change his mind. Even so, Kaidan mustered an argument. He didn't want to let this fall through the gaps.

"Well, do you wanna know what I think? I think that saving the galaxy is a pretty stressful thing to deal with mentally. Who are you gonna turn to to let off steam when a mission goes to shit? Who's gonna be _your _shoulder to cry on when the going gets tough? I've noticed it's already hit you, those bags under your eyes and that furrowed brow. You need a breather, and you need someone to keep your feet on the ground and believe me Shepard, I'm here for you whenever you need it. If you can believe me, then we can be so happy together" Kaidan felt like he was pleading to Shepard, almost desperately trying to convince him that what they both wanted was also _needed_.

The thoughtful silence was interrupted by EDI's voice, "Commander, we're nearing the Rachni relay"

"Noted, thanks EDI"

The silence was no longer thoughtful now, just awkward. Kaidan knew there was nothing left to say anymore though. Shepard was thinking too hard about something for another speech to be worthwhile.

Kaidan got up and simply said "Just think about what I said, yeah?". He then kissed John on the cheek and walked out of the cabin.

_He'll come around. He has to._

* * *

Sorry again for the late update! I was living it up in Zante last week and been enjoying the English sunshine far too much! I thought I would introduce a bit of conflict and retardation into the story. The next chapter will include some action (you can decide the type ;)) so stay tuned! Thanks to everyone who is following/ has favourited! :D


	7. Chapter 7

Mass Effect story 6

As the Kodiak bucked and shimmied through the atmosphere of Utukka, a planet closely associated with the Rachni, Shepard couldn't help but have a terrible feeling about what they were going to find. The Rachni Queen on Noveria seemed so honest and full of despair, there's no way she would condone an attack on a Krogan team. No. The Reapers definitely would have something to do with this, unless the Rachni were naturally born with cannons strapped to their backs like the ones found on Tuchunka. He grimaced at the truth to this story, praying that the Krogans won't try and start another galactic war with the wrong people.

"How long till we reach the drop-point Cortez?" enquired Shepard.

"Not long sir"

Shepard could see worry in Kaidan's face, and just realized that he and Liara had been with him on Noveria.

"Something on your mind, Major?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking about when we were back on Noveria, when we let the Rachni Queen go. Do you think she could have attacked the Krogan team?"

Garrus replied "It's doubtful, we saw some 'Rachni' on Tuchunka. Damn creepy bastards were given some upgrades in the form of cannons. The Rachni Queen seemed solemn and sad that her kids were twisted enough to attack everyone in sight back on Noveria, it would be strange if she let them be mutated into bags of puss with guns slapped on their backs"

"Agreed, she got an Asari to deliver me a message back on Ilium. She thanked me for our help. No way she would backtrack like this so suddenly and go against her word. But something is up"

The Kodiak smoothly glided down to the landing zone, as deftly as a feather falling from a small height. As the door thumped open, Shepard stepped out on to the dark soil and saw a group of Krogans in a circle, surrounding what seemed to be their leader. As Shepard approached he could hear them all grunting and snarling in approval, like a pack of wild rhinos.

Shepard advanced closer and could see whom they were all surrounding. With a beam of a smile across his face Shepard called out.

"Grunt!"

"Shepard? Is that you? You've gotta be kidding me!"

With that Grunt separated from the pack and launched himself at Shepard, giving him a 'light', as Grunt described it, headbang, knocking the Commander off his feet and forcing Kaidan to whip out his Avenger in a flash of panicked confusion. Thanks to Shepard's skull partially being made from an alloy composite giving it incredible density, Shepard simply got back up and did the same to Grunt. Kaidan looked bemused, but Garrus only laughed.

"Urrr, how do you know each other and why did that Krogan just try to kill John?" Shepard heard a confused Kaidan question.

"I found him in a test tube whilst trying to track down a Krogan scientist attempting to create the most genetically perfect Krogan specimen. Grunt here was the result," explained Shepard.

"So you can put your gun away before I shove it down your throat whilst it's still firing"

Shepard saw Kaidan flare his biotics but saw he had enough resolve to know this wouldn't end well. An Alliance soldier attacking an Aralakh Company Officer would put a wedge in the newly established galactic partnership with the Krogan clans on Tuchunka. Garrus only continued to chuckle away to himself.

"Ok, simmer down people. It's great to see you Grunt. What's the situation here?"

"We're trying to find an entrance into this cave here, it's the same one our Krogan scout team had been investigating before disappearing. But something smells rotten about this whole place, like a festering corpse"

"Nicely put, Grunt" remarked Garrus.

"Vakarian, its good to see you. You've kept the scars. I like that"

"Yeah, it reminds me that this war is full of nasty little surprises. Keeps me on my toes."

Shepard looked on at the 'cave', which looked more like a small mountain, "Hurmmm"

"Check out the Scout Team's buildings. Aralakh aren't thinkers, they just rip, tear and dismember anyone they're told to"

Shepard, Kaidan and Garrus went through the buildings one by one, picking up data pads, weapons, med kits and weapon upgrades that were compatible with some of their guns. It was when they came to the last building when all hell broke loose, and the whole structure fell down into a vast cavern. Luckily, nobody was hurt.

"Shepard, have you been sneaking extra energy bars at night or just not doing enough exercise?" Garrus quipped.

"No, I've been building up muscle to make you notice me Garrus, I've seen you staring" groaned Shepard as he stood up, gauging a baring for their location "You ok Kaidan?"

"I'm alright, I didn't land on my head so I'll be fine" he said with a warm smirk.

_Damn, I'll never tire of that smile, _he thought. "Good, now lets check out what's down here" pointing in the direction of the darkness looming over them.

"I'm fine by the way Shepard" Garrus sarcastically mentioned.

"Grow a pair Vakarian"

They all laughed together, Shepard noticing how light-hearted the mood always was with having the two of them together as squad-mates. The reassurance of Kaidan, the banter of Garrus, _and _they were both terrific soldiers. Shepard, however, was about to realize just how terrific in the darkness that lay ahead…

* * *

Shepard's Omni-tool flash-light beamed on, sensing the lack of light in the cavern. The cave felt dark and damp with tall, glistening walls and a high roof where, Shepard suspected, an enemy could easily follow the squad. The ground was hard, jagged and slippery, as Kaidan found out a few feet after stepping onto the new surface. The whole place brooded darkness. It felt as though you could touch the dark, feel it's density and morph it.

"Shepard!" called Kaidan, a hint of urgency upholding his voice.

"What's up?" replied Shepard.

"I think we've found the first of the Krogan Scout group…"

As Shepard approached Kaidan, he could already see the barely recognizable corpse of a Krogan. There were slashes and cuts all over the body, the face was covered in dried blood and there were multiple incisions across the chest.

"The Scout's weren't just killed, they were butchered" announced Garrus, his voice full of spite at the gruesome site.

Shepard sighed, more at how Grunt was going to react to a dismembered Krogan being found in a Rachni cave. Shepard put his comm to his ear, "Grunt, this is Shepard. We've found one of the Krogan scouts… it's not pretty"

"I knew there was something wrong with this place. Alright, we've found another entrance and got schematics for the cave. Sending to your Omni-tool now. We'll avenge the fallen Krogan, and make these puss-bags pay with a shotgun in their stomachs! Grunt out"

Shepard Omni-tool beeped at an incoming file, bringing it up to have a look at the map. _Huh, this is weird_. The cave seemed to spiral rather indelicately into a central chamber, massive compared to the system of corridors that lead to it. It's almost as though the caves function was to gain access to the central chamber. _But for what…_ Shepard could only pray it wasn't another Reaper like in the Collector Base.

Kaidan and Garrus were both scanning the map too, glancing at Shepard with serious expressions. It looked like they had the same thought too.

"Alright let's move out, Kaidan man the M-451 Firestorm the Krogan left behind so we can clear these webs, Garrus cover my six"

Kaidan grabbed the Firestorm left behind by the Scout and released a burst of flame onto the web blocking the path, the flames rolling out of the nozzle, licking the webs and turning the structures into ash and dust.

The cave then opened onto a large cavern, with large rocks dotted around the ground. _Those could act as great cover spots._ With that, a terrifying shriek came from the other side of the alcove, along with the familiar dulled moans and banes of Husks.

"We've got company, get to cover!"

As the three sprinted to cover, bullets flew around them in a rabid frenzy. As the Husks and Cannibals advanced, Shepard Warped a close approaching Marauder, with Kaidan throwing in a Reave creating a Biotic explosion of deafening proportion, throwing other Reaper troops across the cave. Meanwhile Garrus focused on the Ravager on the other side of the room, firing multiple rounds at its exoskeleton structure with his Viper sniper rifle from cover, followed by a Concussive Shot. He was so intent on taking the creepy 'arachnid' out that he failed to see a Husk sneaking up on his side, and taking a swipe at his face. The hit was so hard, in fact, it knocked Garrus off his feet, his un-scarred side now defiled with a lengthy claw mark, with blood seeping from the scratch.

"Shepard, Garrus is down!" Kaidan shouted, whilst firing his Avenger into a group of Cannibals, taking three of them out in his quick burst.

Shepard swung to his left to see Garrus lying on the ground below a zombie-like Husk "Shit! Cover me!" Shepard shrieked back, sprinting to Garrus' position before using a Nova on the Husk shadowing him. He applied medi-gel onto the wound, but Garrus was unconscious.

"He's out cold!"

"What? He gets hit in the face with a rocket, but a punch from a Husk knocks him out?!" replied Kaidan, Overloading a Marauder's shield before shattering it with a Cryo Blast. Kaidan continued to fire on the Reaper troops, their numbers dwindling with every target he saw. Shepard couldn't help but stare in incredulity as the Major destroyed the foes with no remorse and no mercy. It was efficiently executed, almost beautifully fluent. Shepard shaked his head quickly and looked back to Garrus. _Right, head injuries. _Shepard checked the back of Garrus' head to check for any signs of impact with the ground and sure enough, a dark, black bruise was on the scarred side of his head. After shooting the puss bag of the Ravager attempting to make everything explode, Shepard was greeted with Kaidan's warm voice.

"Looks like a bad case of head trauma, with a contusion to the side there" the Major remarked, pointing at the mark on the side of his head "looks like he hit the ground pretty hard, who knew Husks could punch so effectively"

Garrus stirred a little, uttering something along the lines of "I'm fine" before sitting up and massaging his temples. Whilst he was reloading, Shepard thought it a good time to commend Kaidan on his combat skills.

"Kaidan, that was extremely impressive. I've never seen such precision and execution from a soldier. You've improved a damn lot since Sovereign attacked the Citadel"

"Well, I've had a lotta anger to let out since then. Kinda helps you improve and strive for perfection, y'know?"

"Yeah" Shepard said with downcast eyes, "I know that feeling"

"Oh here he is, did the big bad Husk hurt little Vakarian?" Kaidan mocked.

"No, I was flushed by the damned zombie!" Garrus evidently embarrassed that the smallest of Reaper troops managed to knock him out.

"Haha, yeah yeah, of course Garrus"

The three walked out into the open and scanned the surroundings to see the ground covered in bullet-filled, biotically savaged corpses.

"Are you sure you're the same Kaidan that I took on every mission two and a half years ago?" Shepard mused, staring at Kaidan with a crooked eye-brow.

"Not afraid of a little competition are you?" Kaidan said with a boyish smirk.

Shepard's expression slowly turned from amazed to a competitive smile "I'd welcome it, Major"

The three then advanced through the dark caverns, leaving the bodies and Garrus' shame in the darkness behind.

* * *

_Shit shit shit, what do I do?! _It turned out that the Rachni Queen he had decided to release on Noveria did have something to do with this. She had been sourced by the Reapers and rigged to their technology to produce indoctrinated Rachni soldiers, or basically fodder for the Reapers to throw at their enemies. That same deflated, ashamed feeling still hung over the Queen, Shepard had noted. It was her, although she had clearly had Reaper influence on her appearance. And now he was forced with the decision of sacrificing Aralakh Company for the Queen and her untouched children, or abandoning her and going against what he had done two and a half years ago.

"Shepard, if she gets out the Reapers will just continue to use her to reproduce troops! You can't do it! And look at her, she's clearly indoctrinated herself"

"Garrus is right, we let her go before and look what happened! She's a target for the Reapers to exploit and letting her go won't stop them from doing that!" pleaded Kaidan.

"Ok" Shepard finally said in a cool fashion, "I've made my decision". He then got out his Mattock and fired directly at the node holding the Queen in place.

"Thank you Shepard, it is a small comfort to know that someone can see our worth in this galaxy" the Krogan voices shrieked through the cavern with frightening loudness before the Queen shuffled out of the cave.

"Shepard!" Grunt shouted down the Comm.

"Grunt! We need backup, we've got company!" shouted Shepard as swarms of Ravagers, Cannibals and Marauders filed into the great chamber.

"I'm all the backup you've got, Aralakh have been taken down by these bags of shit!"

"I'll take anything Grunt! Get here now!" Suddenly the wall behind Shepard, Kaidan and Garrus exploded, creating a gaping hole from which to escape from.

"C'mon let's go ladies!"

* * *

Shepard, Kaidan and Garrus all slowly limped out of the cave towards an Alliance spec Kodiak shuttle, a welcoming sight after the horrors of what lay in that cave. Grunt was an amazing soldier, and it wasn't easy allowing him to run into a group of Ravagers to save them all.

"Shepard, I gotta ask you something" Kaidan suddenly asked, breaking Shepards train of deep thought.

"Shoot"

"Why? Why let her go when she was clearly only a threat to us? What do we gain from her freedom?"

Shepard sighed, knowing he'd have to explain himself, "Ever since Noveria, me and the Queen have had a sort of mental connection. It's like she melded her mind with mine to help me gain an understanding of the pain she had been through in the labs. It was awful. I'd never said anything because I didn't want people to think she was controlling my mind or something. And this connection still remained. She wasn't indoctrinated, no matter what the Reapers had done to her. Her soul is what keeps her alive and her mind stable, and the Reapers know nothing about how a soul works, and they never will. It's something they'll never understand. They can only use her to produce troops, not be one herself. So there you go, that's why". Shepard crossed his arms, evidently happy with the explanation he had provided. Kaidan appeared evidently moved by this, staring bemusedly at Shepard, as though he had revealed some sort of long lost truth.

"Wow, that was beautiful Commander" Kaidan said after a moments pause. Shepard smiled back in appreciation of his understanding.

"I think Shepard needs his head checked out before being allowed back on the Normandy" Garrus mused, getting onto the Kodiak with a sense of impatience. Kaidan and Shepard laughed together briefly, before Shepard spotted something stumbling up the cave entrance. It was covered in blood, and wounded… It was Grunt!

"Grunt! Get a medic out here pronto!"

"Yes sir!" replied Cortez, before the Krogan collapsed to his feet.

* * *

Ok, a non-fluff chapter that will have some very exciting after effects! Apologies for the late update, I'd been infected with a Chest Infection and then was partying hard from finding out I'm going to Uni to study English! I'll try and be as quick as I can with the next update, hope you enjoyed this change of style! I didn't want to say everything from the mission as I suspect most of you have already done it, so for boredoms sake I cut some bits out. Thanks everyone!


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